I think my vagina is haunted
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
