ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
