So drunk its hurt
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize