It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
