Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
