I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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