Define "chronic" masturbator.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
