I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
