When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
