a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
her vagine was all disorganized.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
