He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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