i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I die, sorry about rent.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
