I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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