There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
