So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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