It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
