I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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