3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
