Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
operation have a gay friend backfired
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
