WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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