I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
