You made me cry and you don't even care
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
