Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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