We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
