i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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