My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
