white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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