I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
