Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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