Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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