this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
