She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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