What did we do last night that was yellow?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
