he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
