You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
