Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
