lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
