yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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