How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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