Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize