Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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