the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We got so high we made milksteak
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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