I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
