so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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