The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
