Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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