If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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