so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
