can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
