Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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