We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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