my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
