Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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