maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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