I cockslap morals
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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