ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He felt like a one man threesome
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
