i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
