Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
