I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize