i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
