I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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