I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize