i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
