No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
