Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you told grandpa to call you daddy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize