and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
