I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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